The need to be alone is very fast approaching. As a matter of fact, it's been long overdue. Alone to rejuvenate, to rethink, revisit what need to be done and what I want to happen.

It's a miracle I still talk to people, at the very least respond. Today, I'm almost like a tree. Good luck tomorrow. Last day before the big leave.

What will my future be...I wonder.

Everytime reality checks in, it more often than not comes as a slap, or an unforeseen prick in the veins, or a sudden lift in the air after which in a snap is abruptly followed by Falling. This kind of timing always puts me in awe mode, and simply leaves me dumbfounded.

This week was an absolute emotional roller coaster ride. Emotionally, i was not prepared, and therefore was quite challenged in the turn out of events. Friday, having come home from work without Lod, was just a nonchalant evening. Simply watched television with my sister, Tess (who again slept in my bed). She was half awake so I got to talk to her about the gown that she was going to wear to our cousin's (Ate Sienna) wedding the following day. Fortunately she'd had it fixed. Before getting the sleep I badly wanted to have, I watched an Aussie thriller, "Wolf Creek" which ended at about 4am. Struggled to fall asleep, bothered by the film. Woke up 45 minutes later to prepare for a long drive to Bulacan.

So off we went to the province, with two make up artist-employees of Leo (Tess' stylist) to do some of Al's (the groom) family members. Got to the meeting place in Plaridel at almost 8am, since had to stop by for some latte. To cut the story short, I turned out to be the friggin' musical director which i totally didn't mind doing for Ate Sienna. Just found it funny and ironic that i had the audacity to hardly sleep, not anticipating some job to do at the wedding. It turned out pretty great, though, I should say. It gave me and my sister an idea to contemplate on possibly becoming events organizers! Managed to play the entourage entrance great, good timing on the ballerina entrance (Now that I have you), and the band followed soon as the door opened for the grand entrance of the bride. Unfortunately, the band girl singer sucked big time singing Make Me Whole. I thought I'd rather have had allowed the backup CD to keep on playing. Darn! Reception music went fine too. I just have to mention that the venue (Northwoods Golf Resort) was the place of the last scene of John Lloyd and Sarah Geronimo's You Changed My Life..but I think that's not my point. I was trying to drive that amidst all that had happened at the wedding, I got bothered with what and how I felt, and of course this is the best I could write how it went. It's the hardest part to express, but to whoever knows me to the bones, I'm sure you get what it is. Or not. Everybody was happy. They all say it's what they've always prayed for, and albeit a not that perfect occasion (technically speaking), you know it's a happy event. And something happened, really. You'll know it if you're in a similar place and time. I just wish all the best for them. Left for home at 9-ish, got another latte at NLEX to keep awake, and got home before midnight.

Had to get up early to join and support Daddy at mass (thanks to my persistent sister) as he's running as a member of the village's board of directors. Voting started at 9am. But after breakfast, i just fell into slumber (can you blame me), and woke up at 5pm. Results came out at nearly 8pm, and Daddy was the only one who made it from his party. Everyone was giving him condolences, practically saying that he's getting crucified. For some reason, and thank God that's how I felt - I wanted to be, and was supportive. I just want him to survive and win this. Otherwise, we have thought of moving out to a much divided community, which is the last thing we'd want to be part of.

I think I'm not in the mood. I wrote a pretty good crap.

Slumdog Millionaire received 8 Oscars this year - Best picture, director, song, editing (i think) I've to see that. Best actor - Sean Penn as Harvey Milk. Will see this. Best actress - Kate Winslet (this too I shall see).

Ate my first meat since ash wednesday - mc chicken sandwich. Hope nothing follows.

Decided to go on sick leave yesterday. By choice or by accident, I've had myself tested for HIV and any other possible STD. Responsibility by necessity. A little moment of truth for me next week, but it's a fourth to-do in my 100 list.

updating my profiles makes me think if this makes sense at all tuloy, or not. i'm quite sure there are far better things.

Woohooo! I commuted today.

After a year of isolation in a car (which i've always wanted to have) wherever i went, i took 3 jeepneys, from eastwood to rosario pasig, from rosario to ortigas, and from baclaran to casimiro; an ordinary bus from edsa ortigas to baclaran; 2 dark overpass bridges, crossing eastwood and rosario market; strolls along ortigas avenue which i used to do back in meralco, but not at 2am, then from galleria crossed edsa, then walked farther down towards the mrt station; and a conversation with a stranger no more, Maricar, a Sitel employee and a prospect Dell employee to whom I gave a business card. And the reason i decided to talk to her was i was friggin' scared coz it was too dark and hell i just came down from that uber dark overpass at rosario. great she's closest to me that time, and so we rode together. she even pointed me to the right direction (though i already know the way when we got to strata). nice person.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. What Life's worth.

Want to talk more about it but it's already 4am, and more work later. Haaay...