mixture of my mind
ano daw?
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::my past life diagnosis::
You were female in your last earthly incarnation. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Sumatra around the year 1675. Your profession was that of a seaman, cook or carpenter. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
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Wednesday, June 04, 2003
as soon as he felt conscious he opened his eyes. motionlessly with half of his face drowned into the pillow and from the right portion of his neck down to his front body warmed by the coolness of the bed, his eyes remained focused on the first thing he looked at. he was staring at the space between, but not in the middle of his eyes and the ridge of the window, but somewhere closer to the edge of the casement.
contrary to his immobile condition, his head's been turning like a whirlwind, recalling everything that's happened the previous night, or for his matter, until before he slept this morning. it's like what one sees in the movies, you're silent and alone in your room but when flashback is shown, it's an insurrection.
for a full 10 minutes he stayed in the same position til he realized he wanted to know what time it was. still lying on his stomach, he rotated his head to where his alarm clock was located, on the headboard approximately two hands away from his face. it was noon. despite being so drunk and wasted (and screwed), he'd only afforded to be tranquil for less than 5 hours, perhaps because it's time for him to realize how things have been going the past few days, or his life again so far, which might be too late if he woke up later than noon.
***
he was expecting to meet who seemed to him was almost the right person he met and made out with on the ledge at a new bar while getting drunk a week ago, then again still wrong one. they'd exchanged dials and had unpitiful conversations during the week, and he thought robbie is not that common. nearly accurately the person he's been looking for: same age at least, makes acceptable sense, charming, humorous, and hesitant. nonetheless, he childishly wanted revenge as if he'd inflict it on the one who didn't show up.
"One Brian, please", he told the barman. All drinks in the bar were named after the characters in the series queer as folk, and he's asking for probably the glass of vodka red bull that would push him to the limit and make him ask the guy beside him to go to bed with him. he would not let the night without settling the scores.
"what's that?", pointing to the guy's drink, trying to start a conversation. it's definitely vodka tonic too but he didn't hear what was mixed with it. the whole point was that the pick-up line was thrown and everything else takes off from there. "my name's jared, what's yours?", he asked the victim, or perhaps the predator whom he thought was a perfect prospect to make love with. "walter", came the answer.
After 5 minutes, they were both headed to the motel in a cab, jared leaving his buddy with whom he usually goes out. The signal to leave the bar was when walter told him he wanted to fuck.
As soon as they arrived at the room, there was no conversation. Both took a little shower separately and started taking off their clothes independently, replacing everything with just towels and lied down on the bed. After some brief kissing and cuddling, jared took out the condom and put it on walter's pecker. he probably didn't know he was gonna do something he has not been liking to do with somebody, or was just caught with no choice as what always happens whenever he's put in this kind of situation. choices are no more choices when you act swiftly. dumbly.
the feel of the first pump was splendid. god, he never had it since secondary school, and now he wants it so bad. as walter tried to thrust harder and faster into him, it started to hurt like hell. he can feel walter's shaft slide so deeply into his body, like a huge rod made of rubber sucking into his intestines, and it was almost unbearable. but the activity was bringing a mixed sensation, like when you're in love. makes you touch the heavens but the earth's gravity pulls you down, thus yields a uniquely heavy feeling you only can undergo when on a stage before a romantic relationship. so then he liked it, and then hated it. but it went on until both came.
they rode a private cab together on the way out and dropped walter off nearest his place, kissing jared before getting out of the car.
as soon as he was alone, he sent a text message to his friend, demo, that read: TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.
then, to robbie: LET'S STOP CONTACT. I'M NOT FOR ANYBODY.
this is, again, a new day.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
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