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::my past life diagnosis:: You were female in your last earthly incarnation. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Sumatra around the year 1675. Your profession was that of a seaman, cook or carpenter. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.






























solitar
 
Wednesday, August 19, 2009  

The need to be alone is very fast approaching. As a matter of fact, it's been long overdue. Alone to rejuvenate, to rethink, revisit what need to be done and what I want to happen.

It's a miracle I still talk to people, at the very least respond. Today, I'm almost like a tree. Good luck tomorrow. Last day before the big leave.

What will my future be...I wonder.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009  

Everytime reality checks in, it more often than not comes as a slap, or an unforeseen prick in the veins, or a sudden lift in the air after which in a snap is abruptly followed by Falling. This kind of timing always puts me in awe mode, and simply leaves me dumbfounded.

This week was an absolute emotional roller coaster ride. Emotionally, i was not prepared, and therefore was quite challenged in the turn out of events. Friday, having come home from work without Lod, was just a nonchalant evening. Simply watched television with my sister, Tess (who again slept in my bed). She was half awake so I got to talk to her about the gown that she was going to wear to our cousin's (Ate Sienna) wedding the following day. Fortunately she'd had it fixed. Before getting the sleep I badly wanted to have, I watched an Aussie thriller, "Wolf Creek" which ended at about 4am. Struggled to fall asleep, bothered by the film. Woke up 45 minutes later to prepare for a long drive to Bulacan.

So off we went to the province, with two make up artist-employees of Leo (Tess' stylist) to do some of Al's (the groom) family members. Got to the meeting place in Plaridel at almost 8am, since had to stop by for some latte. To cut the story short, I turned out to be the friggin' musical director which i totally didn't mind doing for Ate Sienna. Just found it funny and ironic that i had the audacity to hardly sleep, not anticipating some job to do at the wedding. It turned out pretty great, though, I should say. It gave me and my sister an idea to contemplate on possibly becoming events organizers! Managed to play the entourage entrance great, good timing on the ballerina entrance (Now that I have you), and the band followed soon as the door opened for the grand entrance of the bride. Unfortunately, the band girl singer sucked big time singing Make Me Whole. I thought I'd rather have had allowed the backup CD to keep on playing. Darn! Reception music went fine too. I just have to mention that the venue (Northwoods Golf Resort) was the place of the last scene of John Lloyd and Sarah Geronimo's You Changed My Life..but I think that's not my point. I was trying to drive that amidst all that had happened at the wedding, I got bothered with what and how I felt, and of course this is the best I could write how it went. It's the hardest part to express, but to whoever knows me to the bones, I'm sure you get what it is. Or not. Everybody was happy. They all say it's what they've always prayed for, and albeit a not that perfect occasion (technically speaking), you know it's a happy event. And something happened, really. You'll know it if you're in a similar place and time. I just wish all the best for them. Left for home at 9-ish, got another latte at NLEX to keep awake, and got home before midnight.

Had to get up early to join and support Daddy at mass (thanks to my persistent sister) as he's running as a member of the village's board of directors. Voting started at 9am. But after breakfast, i just fell into slumber (can you blame me), and woke up at 5pm. Results came out at nearly 8pm, and Daddy was the only one who made it from his party. Everyone was giving him condolences, practically saying that he's getting crucified. For some reason, and thank God that's how I felt - I wanted to be, and was supportive. I just want him to survive and win this. Otherwise, we have thought of moving out to a much divided community, which is the last thing we'd want to be part of.

I think I'm not in the mood. I wrote a pretty good crap.


Monday, March 16, 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009  

Slumdog Millionaire received 8 Oscars this year - Best picture, director, song, editing (i think) I've to see that. Best actor - Sean Penn as Harvey Milk. Will see this. Best actress - Kate Winslet (this too I shall see).

Ate my first meat since ash wednesday - mc chicken sandwich. Hope nothing follows.

Decided to go on sick leave yesterday. By choice or by accident, I've had myself tested for HIV and any other possible STD. Responsibility by necessity. A little moment of truth for me next week, but it's a fourth to-do in my 100 list.

updating my profiles makes me think if this makes sense at all tuloy, or not. i'm quite sure there are far better things.


Friday, February 27, 2009

Thursday, February 26, 2009  
I've been quite irresponsible and lazy to update "you" with
so many things i've been wanting to share for the past
several days, and so despite the lack of time that I allow
myself to deal, I'll have to mention these random things that
I thought of and took time out of my life:
ANC became an instant favorite news channel. it was
either late last week or early this week that i saw a
documentary featuring one, and perhaps the only "living"
forensic pathologist in the philippines. yep, the police and
some know-it-all group can easily say that somebody died
because of several gun shots, but forensic pathology can
identify which of the several gun shots caused the fatality.
it's just pathetic that at this lonely time and place of a
country when and where people can die of anything
without necessary justice all the time, that we do not have a
system for this. there's more secret deaths than fully
understanding JUSTICE in its full sense. it's just plain
pathetic.
i met a very interesting person at work, matter-of-factly
speaking a company vendor with whom i had a meeting
last tuesday. it's remarkable that our 2nd meeting was
quite interesting in that i felt comfortable at an instant...for
some reason. though i knew that that level of casual
conversation may not be the best condition we should be
in, i made sure that we maintain the professionalism
needed to deliver for the job to be done. I don't know, it
just happened, and it's such a wonder how things like that
happen. she practically shared with me the most delicate
parts of her life which by the way are reasonably recent,
and it caused me to share a bit of myself. well, maybe not
a bit, but if you've been in such kind of chemistry with
practically a stranger, you'll know what i mean. but there,
one of my goals for the year accomplished: have a nice/
interesting conversation with a stranger.
a boy from ateneo who's in grade 4 passed away
yesterday. i just heard about it last night. he was crossing
the streets of ateneo (within the compounds of the school)
with his yaya, when they got hit by a car, owned by a mom
who was to pick up her son. it's just sad, unfortunate
events. then tonight i learned about an employee from
DOC (Pasay) who got mugged and shot to death. he had 2
kids as i heard. tragic stories hit our lives everyday, and
what do we got but the choice to move on until ours is over.
with what happened to the employee i mentioned, it led us
to share our own experiences, until we got to the point of
talking about funny stuff on our own encounters with
mugging. i got pinned down by God knows how many
they were when i was still a full-time commuter along
Pasay-EDSA MRT, some other peers like Mags had it in a
cab, some had their cellphones and bags snatched, and
some had similar experiences when they were just kids. i
recalled an instance when i was a first year high school
student. i wore a new scarlet cap, taken from a
balikbayan box sent by relatives from canada. can't
really remember what was printed on it, but i thought it was
really cool. while i was not really fond of wearing caps,
my schoolmates were obsessed with it, not to mention that it
was a time when peers drooled over nice stuff and asked if
they could arbor it. so i decided that same morning when i
first saw the cap, to wear it to school. i just got off the jeep,
i put on the cap and walked chin up hoping to impress
people once i get inside the campus. but no more than 2
seconds passed when somebody in a bicycle snapped it
and took it away with him. i can vividly recall and can
practically see myself standing there by the sidewalk,
stunned and motionless, not having any bit of a clue what
the heck just happened. of course a natural course of
human nature is to come back to yourself (regardless how
much time it took) and start accepting facts, like, your
brand new cap which still "smelled" imported...was gone
forever. how naive i was then. i wonder how i could have
reacted if it were to happen to me now. you should've seen
me laugh like crazy.
it was ash wednesday yesterday, Feb 25, and i'm driven to
start reconciling myself with what i really want and
transcend just a little bit more. i hope i can survive a
meatless 40 days, though i can't really commit yet to a
smoke-less and coffee-less lifestyle. but hey, if there's
trying, there's hope. "hope is a beautiful thing, and
beautiful things never die."
so there, so far so good, out of my 100 list of things to do this
year while i'm alive, and i'm still lacking about 20 more i
haven't decided on, i've managed to accomplish 3 nice
things: a wi-fi router, a nice conversation with a stranger,
and a laugh so hard it made me cry...to spite myself.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Thursday, February 12, 2009  
It's now apparent to myself why I can't sleep. But I can't specifically point which one causes it more. BOTH could always be the case. It's work, which is pathetic, and whether I have what I think I have is the other one, the most pathetic in years things could get.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Wednesday, February 04, 2009  
I saw a big moon tonight while driving home...it's a little mocha-ish. And then saw another one before i parked.


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Tuesday, February 03, 2009  

Woohooo! I commuted today.

After a year of isolation in a car (which i've always wanted to have) wherever i went, i took 3 jeepneys, from eastwood to rosario pasig, from rosario to ortigas, and from baclaran to casimiro; an ordinary bus from edsa ortigas to baclaran; 2 dark overpass bridges, crossing eastwood and rosario market; strolls along ortigas avenue which i used to do back in meralco, but not at 2am, then from galleria crossed edsa, then walked farther down towards the mrt station; and a conversation with a stranger no more, Maricar, a Sitel employee and a prospect Dell employee to whom I gave a business card. And the reason i decided to talk to her was i was friggin' scared coz it was too dark and hell i just came down from that uber dark overpass at rosario. great she's closest to me that time, and so we rode together. she even pointed me to the right direction (though i already know the way when we got to strata). nice person.

Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. What Life's worth.

Want to talk more about it but it's already 4am, and more work later. Haaay...


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

 
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