mixture of my mind
ano daw?
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::my past life diagnosis::
You were female in your last earthly incarnation. You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Sumatra around the year 1675. Your profession was that of a seaman, cook or carpenter. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:The timid, lonely and self-confident people are everywhere, and your task is to overcome these tendencies in yourself and then to help other people.
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Wednesday, April 21, 2004
funny completely to something look back on memory that your refreshes.
"I can't believe I was in Boracay!"
...again. I know I could still be, if I want to.
Cool sand, clear waters you'd want to dip in the whole day and night, bright sun, long walks, adorable dogs to play with (Friday!), beautiful people (because they're interesting), great food, fantastic view, lovely lovely wind, absolutely indescribable dinner under the stars, wonderful friends, funny funny chats, endless laughters, dusk till dawn booze, fascinating conversations, cancelled inhibitions, incomparable tranquility, incredible school of fish you can feed...JUST FEW of the things that'd overwhelm a human being.
There's just about ample breeze that I will never be able to get enough of forever, pretty much like L-O-V-E. Keeps your longing for it, no matter how much more of it you're asking. And... daaamn! Such irony to say that the air takes my breath away, EVERYTIME. Like no other.
I decide to take it with me, since I know that I will miss it and come back for some more. Then I thought, I could bring just a little bit of it along wherever I go.
In realization to all that's been, that are, and will be, there's indeed a point when everything just falls into place, and I suddenly find serenity in my surroundings. Nothing could ever, ever compare to the calmness and stillness and lightness it brings to my personhood. The peacefulness...oh, this can never be stressed enough...the peace just covers up for every hurt, every wound, every pain, and anything that you can imagine you can harm yourself through. CATHARSIS.
Mothers give you life and ARE your life. My mom is my life, and she gave it to me, maybe not EXACTLY THE WAY anyone would've wanted, but surprises are the best things on earth. I love her more than anything. I mean this. And it's not gratitude, but no words can describe how thankful (also a small way to word it) I am. It's just so inscrutable, that I hate it, knowing there are millions and millions more of words than sand in the ocean, and still I can't find the term.
I don't know what's gonna happen next (like anybody does), but in all my efforts to sustain this state of mind and condition, I'll definitely fight and win.
All I'm trying to say perhaps, is that, I'M HAPPY.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Friday, April 09, 2004
funny completely to something look back on memory that your refreshes.
did someone just say my life was interesting, or did i say it to myself? hey dude, or dudette? =) there's no way for me to contact you but if ever you get to read this, please shoot me mail at frakeshab@yahoo.com. And thanks.
Maybe your life is, too.
kevin
Friday, April 09, 2004
funny completely to something look back on memory that your refreshes.
and then, one fine day (which is not exactly just ONE day), you decide to give yourself a chance again. Like, when no one is watching, not even yourself, you suddenly say "YES" to something that you haD decided to stay away from, isolate yourself, and dreaded to the max until it came to that point that you thought you'd never have to suffer from again.
This time, though, it didn't feel like zero again, like ooopppS!!!! i did it again shit, without me knowing it and then doubt all the way from when it started until it ends. Honestly that's boring: a typical love story for people who thought they've learned every lesson in the past and are scared to give themselves away all over, for the mentality that this next one might end sooner or later anyway, 'so I have to be careful and wise'. and so it DOES end.
Of course, IT's NOT WRONG. I'm just saying, I want to do it another way. And maybe, it'd turn out better than how it's treated usually.
I want to offer myself with my whole heart (as much as possible) without the inhibitions that I've taken from the past, because this is something new, and nothing could be fairer than having a clean slate and putting faith in all things that are around you, because that is simply what they deserve. They deserve every drop of loyalty and friendship and love you can provide, because. BECAUSE.
So maybe, just maybe, I had been doing too much thinking and analyzing and interpreting things on my own, maybe with others too. But since I want the multiplicity of things and all NEW possibilities i could learn the heck out of my life from, that NOONE COULD NEVER, EVER, EVER even START TO IMAGINE is like...
...bring it on
... 'coz i could never be more ready than an excited sky diver that just leaped off the deck..
We have to earn silence, then, to work for it: to make it
not an absence but a presence; not emptiness but repletion.
--Pico Iyer, "The Eloquent Sounds of Silence"
Friday, April 09, 2004
Friday, April 02, 2004
funny completely to something look back on memory that your refreshes.
Imagine yourself sitting where you are, just sitting, and you are here with me. Just stay still. Quiet.
It’s so still.
It’s so tranquil in the parking area beside the mall. It’s 2:30 and there’s no one around. No people; just the two of us. Just us, this vast space, our pack of cigarettes, your leftover mocha frap, the dead mall-building, and of course, the sky.
The moon is the light.
There are occasional shooting stars that would amaze anyone who catches it dart aimlessly into cosmic space until it disappears (seeming like it’s injected to a pillow until you don’t know where it went, and you conclude it just traveled to another dimension through a warp, probably). Three of them amazed us. Just feel the stillness; be conscious of your weight, feel the cool breeze swathe you over and conceal you from the other winds (as much as you don’t like missing any of it).
Stay that way for a short while. Just keep on feeling the wind, the cool draft that envelopes you over and over, like it makes you want to stay that way forever.
And then, imagine your hour is still how the hour goes at its pace. This time though, the hour that you know only applies from the strand of your hair, to the surface of your skin, in your head. Same goes with mine. All else’s hour runs only for a minute, such that they consider a full hour what is only a minute for us. So we stay still, sitting in front of each other while counting our hour, but at the same time counting the hour around us.
It becomes daytime in an instant and the sky transitioned from deep blue to a lighter one to red orange to bright yellow like a force just wiped the colors away until the sun in all its dominance made everything visible. People start rushing like fast-forwarded videos, cars flashing in front of our faces that they almost become rays of light because their hours are short, and ours not. So we stay still.
We stay still until it’s night again for everyone, and we on our next hour.
Friday, April 02, 2004
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